If we truly understood the mission of loving another, there would be no hurt, betrayal, pain, etc.
FOR TO TRULY LOVE ANOTHER IS TO LOVE THEM AS THEY ARE, TRUST THEIR JOURNEY AS IS, AND TO HONOR THEIR SPIRIT AS IT SINGS TO THEM.
Instead, when we love another what we really mean is how WE feel when they love US ... this is when all things go awry.
Reciprocal love has the potential to create a harmonious third WE space that truly honors each of the "I's" in it. However, as we all know, very few can contribute to such a truly mutual and shared third-WE-space.On a microscopic level this is why we break up with close friends, divorce with animosity and separate from family. On a macroscopic level, we engage in wars and genocide.
To enter a spiritually-honorable engagement with the other is extremely challenging because most often all we care about is the "I". We care more about CONTROLLING THE OTHER and their feelings towards us THAN TRUE CONNECTIVITY WITH THEIR SPIRIT. Sadly, control often trumps connection.Loving another has NOTHING to do with us...only the other. ~ Dr. Shefali Tsabary
Shared with permission from Dr. Shefali Tsabary's Conscious Parenting Facebook Page.
What a beautiful piece of prose. I have her book on my bookshelf, it is next for me to read and I can hardly wait!
Thanks for sharing!
I have a hard time getting along with my parents. They have disappointed me many times. I try to keep the idea presented in this article in mind. It is hard to love others for who they are. I guess I need to remember that my parents did the best they could instead of being so angry with them.
@Cars for kids: Carol passed on your comment to me and thought it would be good for me to respond to you directly. I couldn't agree more. You bring up a valid distinction I would like to make here. Embedded in the post, although not directly stated, is the imperative that we must self-love. This means having healthy boundaries. Having healthy boundaries means knowing who has the capacity to nourish us and who is limited in this area. Having said this, it is NOT our onus to FEEL LOVE FOR EVERYBODY IN OUR LIVES. Yes, it is our spiritual destiny to feel love for every spirit on this earth, yes, but on a practical level, it is NOT. So, if you have a hard time feeling love for your parents (due to legitimate hurt you have felt due to them) that is OKAY. First you MUST accept and love yourself and your own boundaries and limitations. Honor your own pain. You do NOT have to love them unconditionally. Children are not required to do this toward their parents; parents are. However, as part of your own healing, you can seek to understand them, their unconscious forces and perhaps reach a state of compassion for their blindness.
I hope this makes things a little clearer. I appreciate you comment and am so glad I got a chance to clarify.
Warmly! Dr. Shefali Tsabary
Author: The Conscious Parent
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